Let us now reach back through the annals of time to recover a dirty little song that children used to sing to their bowels as they danced the Valsalva. This song was passed along in the great oral tradition from camp to camp, school to school, long before anyone would think about recording such a thing. It is known as “The Diarrhea Song.”
The movie Parenthood (1989) features a solid version of “The Diarrhea Song” sung by an annoying child. Luckily, the Mandela Effect didn’t erase this one. Here it is in the key of E Major. Either this kid has perfect pitch or the producer had a kazoo on hand to prompt him.
This same melody is probably a standard camp melody used for many different songs, based on some old American air, but it just feels so right to sing “diarrhea” in this manner, in a major pentatonic way. “Di, a, rrhe, a.” The 6 sidles up to the 1, turns to the 2 and turns immediately back to the 1. It sounds as inevitable as the act itself.
When you’re sliding into first
And your pants begin to burst
Diarrhea, diarrheaWhen you’re sliding into two
And your pants are filled with goo
Diarrhea, diarrheaWhen you’re sliding into third
And you feel a greasy turd
Diarrhea, diarrheaWhen you’re sliding into home
And your pants are filled with foam
Diarrhea, diarrhea
Diarrhea, cha, cha, cha.
