Double-Minor Ballad of Sadness
This is a very beautiful song by my good friends The Warp/The Weft, although this ain’t no “friend-rock.” I would surely recommend this song even if it was written by my enemies.
Your pointer finger trembles nervously on the click as you consider scrolling past. “Nothing but a minor ballad in 4/4,” you announce, a bit impetuously, “I have heard these before.”
“Oh no, you sweet fool,” I retort, “you have not hearkened anything like this!”
This is the ballad like no other. This is the ballad of the wolfmother Waldbaum’s. The kind of ballad meant for horizontal listening. Everyone lies to listen to this. That’s why you see them in the streets, connected head to toe like a giant snake god. You ask them what the hell they’re doing, and they give you a coy answer like in that Radiohead video. They can do little else but lie there listening. Such is the power of one ballad vs. the world, and this ain’t even a power ballad.
This ballad is suitable for all stages of the life-cycle. I’ve seen babies way into it. I’ve seen an old man dancing to it real slow until he was just a pile of dust.
It must’ve been the rare and true Double Minor that struck them down like Yahweh used to. Sad! When the minor key is done right, it is sad that major keys just can’t compare. For life and music were meant to be sad—it is by design. A secret sadness lurks in the hearts of all creatures. We vibrate sympathetically with each other’s soft aeolian essence. When a tree falls in the woods, it usually falls in E minor, or C minor. That’s why this ballad is in both Em and Cm. It’s got two minor keys, making it doubly sad.
So check it out! But don’t just mindlessly click on it and have it play in the background while you continue on with your feed, not knowing if you’re the one feeding or being fed upon. Shut yo’ mouth—stop talking ’bout Shaft. Close them eyes, and kegel your ass closed. This one will sting. That’s why they named it “Briars”.
The Loudest Note in the World
New video about industrial noise and planetary chords.
This is actually made from an old post because I haven’t had a new idea in 10 years. I prefer the classic bloggy style featured on this site, which is more of a literary adventure augmented with sounds and music, like a book—half-on-tape. But these days, information and infotainment is mostly relayed through funny YouTube videos, so I am stubbornly embracing the technology to supplement our slipshod, flash-based encyclopedia of natural music. Look for more funny vids and maybe even some serious art kino in the future.
Lydian Birdsong
In my backyard, two black-capped chickadees sing an unintentional Lydian song that sounds like “Better Man” by Pearl Jam. Click on the score below to listen and loop.
The Eb-bird sings his phrase while the F-bird answers, and the Eb-bird answers that; then there is a measure of silence. Are any females listening to these guys? In such a situation, which of them is truly the better man?
Los Doggies covered the chickadee song on the album e’rebody using the whole tone interval, but above the birds are singing minor thirds–which sound like the 3rd and 5th of a major chord. In the crowded urban areas, the birds’ interval tends to widen, while in the woods, they sing the smaller whole tone. Basically, city-birds have something to prove.
My blackheads sing Pearl Jam and take other requests off Vitalogy in exchange for bagel seeds. Somehow these two competing males are much more songful than the two local church bells racing to announce the dissonant hour.
Interview
Literary mag SPANK the CARP interviewed Evan from Los Doggies (that’s me). Herein you can find many startling truths and incomprehensible insights into musical creation, including how to write a song, why to write a song, and the nature of the song itself. Enjoy!
Tape
Queen City Tapes released a new compilation of Hudson Valley artists with yours truly. It features our recent song “Homebody” that didn’t have a home until now. The cover has an Illuminati eye because we know who really funds all the DIY tapes.
We’ll be shaking that Ass of Horus on April Fool’s at Darkside Records as part of a showcase of compilation artists. We hope to see you there.
HBO Chord
Do you know this sound? The sound of a swelling C power chord? Click on the score below.
This is the chord of the wolfmother network. This is the chord born of noise.
That’s actually an HBO chord. The H stands for “home” and nothing spells home like a C chord. From a flood of white noise comes a harmonious root and fifth. Ordo ab chao. The television poltergeist gives way to a choir of angels and men. The chord is played so low it has to be written in bass clef. And everyone hates bass clef. It’s the clef that never gets laid.
You know HBO—that softcore porn network your parents watch. It’s got that highly enjoyable Luciferean show your grandparents make out to. But this isn’t shilling for Big Media, just big chords—C power chords that almost sound major and are not, but do lie.
Anyway, in my day HBO had a really cool aerobics anthem and it could only be viewed on a snowy CRT. There weren’t all these hogwart witches with holly-wood wands casting spells into the night. Instead we’d fade out gently on dead air in the small hours after a little landline tiquing and orgies.
